Every yes is a no to something else, and usually to something you cannot yet see. That is the awkward arithmetic of time. When someone asks you to join a committee, write a foreword, or take a coffee next month, the cost does not feel like much, because next month looks empty. It never is. By the time next month arrives it has been filled by all the other yeses you handed out in the same cheerful spirit.
I used to say yes to nearly everything. It felt generous, and I told myself it was about being helpful. It was really a way of avoiding the small discomfort of saying no. Over a few years I accumulated a calendar that reflected everyone’s priorities but my own. These five questions are what I use now, and they have changed my working life.
1. Would I say yes if it were happening tomorrow?
This is the best single test I know. A request for next month is a request for an imaginary version of you with free time and plenty of energy. A request for tomorrow is a request for the actual you, with the actual week you have.
If the answer to the tomorrow version is a flinch, then the answer to the next-month version should be no too, however flattering the invitation. The flinch is information, and it does not disappear because the date is far away.
